You will do what you are told

I’m so very tempted to say “I told you so” but I won’t. A couple of weeks ago I banged on a bit about the smoking ban in the UK and how very likely the same draconian legislation will follow here in SA – and it will. There was one posted comment which supported any ban and my reply warned that the anti-smoking laws were just the thin edge of the wedge – and that alcohol will be next to be targeted – and it has.

It’s happening in Britain as I write this (granted, it was sooner than I imagined). That’s what small-minded politicians do, you see. They really don’t want you and me to have any fun. Smoking was a fairly obvious target but now middle class boozers are feeling the crack of matron’s whip. A guy called Professor Ian Gilmore (President of the Royal College of Surgeons), says that anyone drinking more than one and a half bottles of wine A WEEK makes them a “hazardous” drinker.(He was citing the 1987 weekly limits of 21 units for men and 14 for women – figures which have now been discredited by the very doctors who worked on the project, “it’s impossible to say what’s safe and what isn’t” they now confess and admit that the 1987 limits were “sort of an intelligent guess by a committee”)
The British Minister of Health, totally ignoring any subsequent information, has seized on this unilateral nonsense as yet another opportunity to remove even more joy from the lives of ordinary people.

“Most of these are not young people, they are ‘everyday’ drinkers who have drunk too much for too long” she says.
Then she dropped the ominous bombshell with: “This has to stop.” And they have every intention of doing just that.
So how will it be policed?
Simple.
What they’ll do is introduce a “drinking licence” which will be bar-coded. When drinkers visit a bottle store to buy a case of wine the cashier will swipe their card and patronisingly say they can’t have the full dozen because they bought the same amount only two weeks ago. “You’ll have to wait another two weeks”

It’ll be the same in restaurants. When four people are having dinner and they want (heaven forbid) a third bottle of wine, they’ll be refused – on the basis that they’re a danger to themselves and society. Pubs? Forget it. One unit of alcohol is your lot mate.

A bottle and a half of wine a week is just about a glass a day. Most of my friends would drink more than that when watching the game on a Saturday afternoon let alone an entire week. So what have these British healthensafety (it’s a new word) extremists got to do with South Africa you may ask? Well, our government has been very quick to copy the smoking bans so it seems highly likely that they’ll follow the booze bans too. The expression nog een vir die pad will fade into obscurity because, hey, nobody wants to be a “hazardous” drinker.

Fortunately, we have quite a long period of grace because I doubt our own Health Minister has limiting alcohol consumption very high on her agenda. And here’s another glimpse into the future. After the “drinking licence” a “junk food” licence will follow, based on the same principle. You try and buy a burger somewhere and you’ll be told “sorry you’ve already had your fat content for the week.” And don’t, not for one minute, believe this is a paranoid conspiracy theory of mine because it’s Orwell’s Big Brother in full swing and total control.

So for those of you who were gleeful about the government’s smoking legislation be afraid (be VERY afraid) because whatever it is that you like they’ll find a way to stop you having fun.

When the world is inhabited by non-smoking, non-drinking, vegetarian health freaks who enjoy nothing more exciting than embroidery, I have no doubt that some dickhead politician will find something else to ban and/or control.
Of course, being a teetotaller I’m thrilled that you boozers will soon know what it’s like to become a pariah.