TKO! Floored by a vicious left hook from branding

My friend and I happened to be at one of my favourite spots in Jozi...Taboo, upstairs of course...cant stand the rubbish they play downstairs...and the crowd to be honest. Well, anyway - it was the eve of another birthday...stopped counting a while back, it gets depressing after 25. So there we were, my friend and I, sipping on some good stuff, acting like we know how to dance but don't feel like it, "scouting for talent" (you know exactly what I'm talking about), making eye contact with the strikingly gorgeous, but suspiciously eager lass by the bar.

If you've ever been to Taboo on the last Friday of the month, and I mean actually get through the tree trunks at the door, you will know what I'm talking about. Where do they get human beings that big anyway? I tell you know, if there was ever a person brave enough to tell Bakkies to take on somebody his won size, they'd be talking about one of these fellaz. Gio Aplon, Jimmy Cowan, Stirling Mortlock and company, next time the "enforcer" makes his presence felt and you feel dizzy and unbearably sore when all you wanted to do was play Rugby, you know where to go when you recover.

Ok where was I? Yes... now, I know I'll get a little drubbing for saying this but I'll say it and take the drubbing like a man. Now, with the World Cup on our shores, a number of our sistas were hoping for their own world cup in between the sheets with a "hot foreigner". Now I'm as South African as Freestate biltong, but I can pass for a foreigner...so I've been told.  So I thought hey...this could be the night, and I waited...and waited, in between regular sips of Jameson. A few hours down the line, my focus was mainly on the Jameson and the sips had somehow become gulps. And that's when it happened; I was spotted!

Now, I know what you're thinking and no, I don't think I'm "all of that". In fact, I  know I'm no Boris Kodjoe in the looks department, but dammit, I also know that I'm no Flava Flav or Shabba Ranks either! (Google image search will give you and indication) Okay, so my spotter and I are engaging in meaningless conversation as we... "get to know each other" on the dance floor. A few smiles here and there and she says to me: "I'm a Xhosa from Mthatha." Not about to give my game away, I say: "Well, nice to meet you," and we carry on.

Things were going relatively well until she met my friend. With the same line she walked up to him and said: "I'm a Xhosa from Mthatha." If we were ever going to be given an Mzansi special that night, my friend's response quelled all hopes for all parties. Obviously excited by meeting an umkhaya (home girl/boy), my comrade eagerly answered: "Me too, I'm also a Xhosa from Butterworth." Game, set, match - thank you for coming. Have you ever been to Butterworth??

Why am I sharing this story with you? Marketing and Branding.  There is the power of the brand and an even greater power in association. You see, my friend and I were "cool" up until we were associated with that which less desirable.  In our case it was the...you know, ex industrial capital of the then Transkei.

Our game, after being hyped up by assumptions, was totally obliterated by target market profiling. There you have it, knocked out cold by good old branding! For those of us who often worry about the demise of advertising and whether marketing and branding efficacy can be measured - even at nightclubs, marketing is alive. If I had to personify any brand or product and give it advice, these are the things I would say:

1 Watch what you say.

2. Don't boast. What you're shouting off about might just be what will sink you

3. Someone has an eye on you, so act right.

4. If you're from Danville having dinner with people from Houghton, shut up and enjoy the food until they start talking about the Ford Sierra XR8.

5. It is always important to know where you are.

6. Know the consumer 100 times better than they know you...you might be able to seal the deal. 

7. Observe trends and do your research.

Wow, who would have thought that I'd be giving out branding lessons based on experience I had at club? Bear in mind that brands don't have a voice except what is said about them by brand managers.

Can brands bounce back from negative publicity? Well, my friend and I removed ourselves from the shelf of that up market store and found ample and very accommodative shelf space at what others would call a spaza.